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Hi Neonbible!  I’m back after a long absence which I blame on wedding madness.

So I thought that since I just had my wedding, I will share some of the beauty tips I learned along the way.

The Dress

So I know we’re all addicted to “Say Yes to the Dress”, and obsessed with $15,000 Pnina Tornai gowns, BUT you don’t have to go crazy to get a great dress.

I definitely took my time, went to 4 different stores, and probably tried on about 30 gowns.  For a lot of people, that’s small potatoes, but I found that if you overdose on gowns, it becomes more difficult to make a decision.  To help with your choice, I suggest bringing a couple of friends with you who have a good eye for what makes your body look good.  Try not to bring people who are overly critical, but try to avoid people who will just cry with happiness in every dress you come out in.

In the end, I bought a beautiful Demitrios gown for $1000 flat.  You can generally get the managers to lower the price a little bit if you ask, and sometimes they will wave the tax.  It’s also important to try and get the alterations cost included or a guarantee of the maximum cost.  For me, I was guaranteed to not pay more than $350 for alterations, no matter how much they had to change.

You should also get on this early!  Not only is it a nice way to get into the wedding mood, but the dresses must be ordered months in advance.  It took 5 months for my dress to arrive, which is fairly standard, so start your dress hunting about 8 months before your wedding to give yourself ample time.

The Shoes

I don’t have a lot to say about my shoes, because I wore $5 white flats that my bridesmaid bought for me at Target.

What I will say is this: no one really sees them.  You can definitely get away with shoes from Target or Payless, and no one will know the difference if your gown is long.It’s important to be comfortable as well.  Not just for dancing during the reception (though I suggest changing into flip-flops), but for the hours of photos before hand.Make sure you break your shoes in before the big day though, because wedding blisters are a big bummer.

The Hair

There are two ways to go here: up or down.

If you are going to wear your hair down this is what I suggest: do it yourself.  Get your hair trimmed a few days before to have a nice clean cut.  Then have one of your bridesmaids blow it out for you in the morning.  It will save you some money in the end, and will look just as good as if a hairstylist did it. 

If you are wearing your hair up: get it done professionally.  Your hair needs to stay in place for hours on end and this can really only be achieved by someone who knows what they’re doing.  If you are going with a professional, make sure you have a trial run first.  You don’t want to end up with crazy hair that you don’t have time to change and you end up hating.  Bring in some photos for your trial, and don’t be shy to tell they stylist if you don’t like something.  It’s your day, they’ll understand.

The Makeup

Now, I realize a lot of us are pretty good with makeup, but I did choose to have my makeup done.  Most makeup counters in department stores will do your makeup for free if you buy a certain amount worth of products.  My bridesmaids and I all went the Make-up Forever Counter at The Bay, and they did an amazing job.

I know most brides want to look natural, as did I, but I think it’s important to look different on your wedding day than you do every other day.  So, don’t ask them to do your makeup like you would normally do it.  Have them do an intense eye, or a bright lip color.  And don’t forget the waterproof mascara!

Since for most of these places, you do have to buy products to get your makeup done, I suggest buying things you’ll use for your wedding.  So get the lipstick/lipgloss they used and maybe the blush.

One of the most important things I bought, that the make-up artist recommended, was translucent powder.  After photos in the sun, dancing like crazy, and generally greasiness, having a good translucent powder really kept my shine down the whole night.  I bought the Makeup Forever Multi Use Powder, which retails for about $25, and it was amazing!  It helped keep my makeup in place all day, and was sheer enough it didn’t cover up my makeup, just controlled it.  I use it all the time now, and it is by far the best loose powder I’ve ever owned.

Your wedding will be amazing no matter what happens, but having a dress you love, great hair and the perfect make-up can’t hurt!

~ Roni

Yesterday my best bud and fellow Neon Bible writer Roni got married!  To keep things running smoothly from hair appointment to hora, the other bridesmaids and I made her a Wedding Day Survival Kit, or as we called it a Just in Case Case

Included was:

• Q-tips
• eye makeup remover pads
• aloe vera wetnaps
• body lotion
• mini deodorant - make sure it’s clear!
• bobby pins

• moleskin - very important.  we all put this on our feet before the ceremony.
• clear nail polish - to repair cracks and hang nails
• hair spray

• Pepto Bismol
• Gravol
• Advil

• Lint roller with pet hair protector
• Tide to go - very useful, especially after the bride fell down during her “running” photos
• compact mirror
• scissors

If you’re going to make a Just in Case Case for your bride, brainstorm with your bridesmaids and make a list, then figure out who’s going to get what.  Don’t forget a cute basket or tote.

After having to cut off my super long hair due to it’s supreme grossness and split ends, I decided to go on an all natural hair care kick and see if it did anything for my less than healthy locks. I’ve tried a ton of stuff over the last few months. These are some of the most notable.
Desert Essence Organics Red Raspberry Conditioner

I didn’t think it was possible for your hair to be both greasy and bone dry at the same time. Organics proved me wrong. This conditioner left my hair feeling gross as hell, and I had to wash it almost every day. It also smells horrible. But then again, has a raspberry hair product ever smelled nice? I was super disappointed by this stuff, as their green apple conditioner is actually pretty nice. $10.99 CAD

Alba Botanica Replenishing Conditioner

I was aprehensive about this conditioner after trying out Alba’s crappy shaving cream. But this stuff is amazing. It leaves my hair super soft yet not at all greasy, and I can go an extra day or two without washing it. And also it doesn’t smell like crap! It’s super cocoa buttery and yummy. 11.99 USD

I picked up both of these products at Whole Foods but they’re also available at some Shoppers and Safeway stores.

So here’s the thing. As a young man I spent the majority of my hair cutting liaisons at one of three different places.

1) The saloon at Oakridge mall beside the theatre, you know, the cheap one.

2) Random less than 15 dollar barbers all around town

3) In my buddy’s bathroom getting wicked sick mohawks yo.

As I got older I realized that I can’t walk around with just a single thick strang of hair on my dome (well not without wearing a jean jacket with a Nausea back patch on at least). Thus I started getting my hair cut at proper stylists and, yes gentlemen, it makes a world of difference.

Before I would usually just say “crew cut” or “short on the sides and the back” (which you know is the same thing) and the pleasant man or woman would proceed to massacre my hair down to a very utilitarian level. The upside of this experience was 3 fold: cheap, very little talking, and fast. There’s nothing wrong with getting your haircut like this, in fact I would generally assume the vast majority of males would want something akin to this experience.

Though this route does not waver to much from the path, and if you’re at all interested in changing your steez you may want to drop actual cash on your hair.

Now chances are that if you are reading this you probably do have a stylist, but let me just then address the ladies with boys who are hardcore MMA fans and who revere Seth McFarlane like he was John K. (Hipster - 1:  stupid jocks whom beat me up in high school - 15). The experience going to a stylist and the final outcome are so much nicer. Not necessarily better or you look any better, but you feel just good after getting a haircut. This is mainly because the stylist…knows what he or she is doing.

That’s right folks you have to know a few things to cut hair properly. This is not a novel fact to a lot of you but it needs to be said. Anybody can cut hair, well except maybe Christopher Reeves or Helen Keller. Mainly because they’re dead…and well, were crippled (YES I DO COUNT BEING DEAF AND BLIND AS BEING CRIPPLED SEEESH ). But somebody who can cut hair that goes with your head is better. Somebody who can style TO YOU is invaluable.

Okay so fine you’re ready to change so where and how much? Sadly I don’t know all the salons in the world; some basic research is in order, but here’s a few tips.

Your stylist can cut your boyfriend’s hair, most likely at least. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable having your stylist cutting your boy’s hair…for whatever reason. BUT if you have in the near catatonic state you should have in by now you can simply sit him down talk to your stylist and give “suggestions” as how you want him to look. This would make you a complete manipulative bitch but hey it’s in your power.

If you aren’t secretly wanting him to look like Edward then have him know what he wants or have a vague idea that’s open to suggestion. If a stylist is told something specific and does something completely different AND LOOKS GOOD, then she has just saved his ass from something that would look completely asinine. One time I walked into my place and asked for a Chelsea cut thinking it was exactly what I wanted. Not only was it not what I wanted, what I wanted would have looked horrid and she kindly and subtly shaped it into something akin to what I desired but looked better.

Make sure he knows how to talk small talk like a pro. There is nothing worse than a 20-40 minute haircut that is 70 percent silence. I’m actually really guilty of this and I feel really bad for the young woman that usually cuts my hair. It clearly makes her feel real uncomfortable (I can tell when a woman feels like that with me; by the simple fact that we’re interacting in some way). So make sure he knows how to carry and LEAD a conversation.  A good way is for him to actually talk about you and all the cute things that you do. That way the fact that he’s being pampered by another woman won’t creep into his head. Now how you exactly steer the conversation … I don’t know maybe you could just drop subtle hints like leaving this webpage up after you leave his house or something. If the stylist is a guy…I don’t know same rules I guess.  Just make sure if you do gossip with him or her (but why would you, like shitty fan fiction characters only do things like that) that no unwanted info gets leaked. I suggest bribing with alcohol.

Tip…holy fuck please, please tip decently. The fact is that you’re not going to get shitty service unless he’s acting antagonistic or the stylist is fucking nuts. But seeing how involved and attentive he or she is going to be a good tip is key. You know this, I know this, but a guy who normally tipped 3 bucks on a 10 dollar hair cut will probably tip 8 dollars on a 40 dollar hair cut (yes that’s 20 percent, no that’s not enough, up it just a bit).

All common sense really but just a few pointers.

As for you Vancouver folk out there I have a few quick reviews

Jack - the Modern Barbershop.

A place for me for sure. But very much in a “it’s okay to be masculine and have a stylist” way. The place’s decor is sports, specifically hockey sticks and TVs with ESPN and TSN on them. It’s not that bad at all really, they actually have two tiers of cuts, a quick cheap cut (which will run you 20 bucks) or a proper cut with a wash for about 40 bucks. Not bad for somebody who wants a dude’s haircut.

The Beehive - Hair Lounge and Spa

Totally a very well known place in the Vancouver Main street scene. They’ve been around since the initial boom back in 2003 along Main and the girls there are awesome. Constantly busy you’re going to have to make an appointment ahead of time, sometimes on a  weekday you can slide in after a few hours but for the most part calling a head for a Saturday cut is great. 40 dollars and tax get’s you an awesome experience with people with experience (see what I did there? it’s because it’s 3 am and I don’t’ feel like being funny).

I used to be crazy about waxing.  Legs, brows, bikini, I did it all.  I found an amazing woman who didn’t make me feel the least bit uncomfortable and charged a great price (note: by the way, yes you do have to tip a waxer).  But as you know, this is a blog for poor people, and when you’re living on a budget, there are some luxuries that just have to go.
But as luck would have it, I recently got the opportunity to test out The Ultimate Personal Shaver Kit ($79.95), a shaving kit for your bikini area or other parts of your body where there’s some hair that needs trimming.  The UPSK as I’m going to call it now is designed to give you the closest shave possible with a variety of different doo dads and knick knacks all with a fancy chrome finish.

The kit includes:
Personal trimmer
Personal finishing shaver
Talc powder (to prevent razor burn)
Application brush
6 *ahem* Shaving stencils
Cleaning brush
Storage case

When I used it:
I tried the UPSK out on a patch of my arm hair.  I started with the talc powder which was pretty silky on my skin but was incredibly messy.  While the personal trimmer did worked on kind of thinning out the hair and trimming it down, the finishing shaver, which kind of looks like a buffer, didn’t work, even with fresh batteries.

I’ve heard that this is a common problem with this shaving kit, but that their customer service is excellent, and the customers with broken pieces received new shavers within the week.  Check out some of the other reviews here.

One of my favourite times of the year is fast approaching… my mom’s annual trip to the great state of Nebraska aka. the week where she buys me stuff from Target and Bath and Body Works and I don’t have to pay her back!

So far on my list of not available in Canada products to get are:

L’Oreal Elnett Hairspray - I’ve looked everywhere in Vancouver and I can’t find this stuff. I’m pretty sure we don’t have it. Although I’m not usually a hairspray person, I am a sucker for people telling me what to buy.

Bare Escentules RareMinerals Blemish Therapy and Foundation - Okay, so yes there is one particular Shoppers downtown that sells Bare Escentules, and I could just restock my foundation there, but why pay for something you can get for free… from you mom? I’m really looking forward to trying this new Blemish Therapy. I rarely have any blemishes or blackheads, but when I do, I throw a fit. This may give me some piece of mind, although I hear it smells like a sulfur pile.

Bath & Body Works 3 for $10 Hand Soap - Obviously.

Fekkai Coiff Contrôle Ironless Straightening Blow-Out Balm - While my skin is generally flawless my hair is as damaged as it gets. It’s dry, flat and the ends, oh the ends. I’m hoping this will help minimize some of the damage I continue to inflict on my sad strands.