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So here’s the thing. As a young man I spent the majority of my hair cutting liaisons at one of three different places.

1) The saloon at Oakridge mall beside the theatre, you know, the cheap one.

2) Random less than 15 dollar barbers all around town

3) In my buddy’s bathroom getting wicked sick mohawks yo.

As I got older I realized that I can’t walk around with just a single thick strang of hair on my dome (well not without wearing a jean jacket with a Nausea back patch on at least). Thus I started getting my hair cut at proper stylists and, yes gentlemen, it makes a world of difference.

Before I would usually just say “crew cut” or “short on the sides and the back” (which you know is the same thing) and the pleasant man or woman would proceed to massacre my hair down to a very utilitarian level. The upside of this experience was 3 fold: cheap, very little talking, and fast. There’s nothing wrong with getting your haircut like this, in fact I would generally assume the vast majority of males would want something akin to this experience.

Though this route does not waver to much from the path, and if you’re at all interested in changing your steez you may want to drop actual cash on your hair.

Now chances are that if you are reading this you probably do have a stylist, but let me just then address the ladies with boys who are hardcore MMA fans and who revere Seth McFarlane like he was John K. (Hipster - 1:  stupid jocks whom beat me up in high school - 15). The experience going to a stylist and the final outcome are so much nicer. Not necessarily better or you look any better, but you feel just good after getting a haircut. This is mainly because the stylist…knows what he or she is doing.

That’s right folks you have to know a few things to cut hair properly. This is not a novel fact to a lot of you but it needs to be said. Anybody can cut hair, well except maybe Christopher Reeves or Helen Keller. Mainly because they’re dead…and well, were crippled (YES I DO COUNT BEING DEAF AND BLIND AS BEING CRIPPLED SEEESH ). But somebody who can cut hair that goes with your head is better. Somebody who can style TO YOU is invaluable.

Okay so fine you’re ready to change so where and how much? Sadly I don’t know all the salons in the world; some basic research is in order, but here’s a few tips.

Your stylist can cut your boyfriend’s hair, most likely at least. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable having your stylist cutting your boy’s hair…for whatever reason. BUT if you have in the near catatonic state you should have in by now you can simply sit him down talk to your stylist and give “suggestions” as how you want him to look. This would make you a complete manipulative bitch but hey it’s in your power.

If you aren’t secretly wanting him to look like Edward then have him know what he wants or have a vague idea that’s open to suggestion. If a stylist is told something specific and does something completely different AND LOOKS GOOD, then she has just saved his ass from something that would look completely asinine. One time I walked into my place and asked for a Chelsea cut thinking it was exactly what I wanted. Not only was it not what I wanted, what I wanted would have looked horrid and she kindly and subtly shaped it into something akin to what I desired but looked better.

Make sure he knows how to talk small talk like a pro. There is nothing worse than a 20-40 minute haircut that is 70 percent silence. I’m actually really guilty of this and I feel really bad for the young woman that usually cuts my hair. It clearly makes her feel real uncomfortable (I can tell when a woman feels like that with me; by the simple fact that we’re interacting in some way). So make sure he knows how to carry and LEAD a conversation.  A good way is for him to actually talk about you and all the cute things that you do. That way the fact that he’s being pampered by another woman won’t creep into his head. Now how you exactly steer the conversation … I don’t know maybe you could just drop subtle hints like leaving this webpage up after you leave his house or something. If the stylist is a guy…I don’t know same rules I guess.  Just make sure if you do gossip with him or her (but why would you, like shitty fan fiction characters only do things like that) that no unwanted info gets leaked. I suggest bribing with alcohol.

Tip…holy fuck please, please tip decently. The fact is that you’re not going to get shitty service unless he’s acting antagonistic or the stylist is fucking nuts. But seeing how involved and attentive he or she is going to be a good tip is key. You know this, I know this, but a guy who normally tipped 3 bucks on a 10 dollar hair cut will probably tip 8 dollars on a 40 dollar hair cut (yes that’s 20 percent, no that’s not enough, up it just a bit).

All common sense really but just a few pointers.

As for you Vancouver folk out there I have a few quick reviews

Jack - the Modern Barbershop.

A place for me for sure. But very much in a “it’s okay to be masculine and have a stylist” way. The place’s decor is sports, specifically hockey sticks and TVs with ESPN and TSN on them. It’s not that bad at all really, they actually have two tiers of cuts, a quick cheap cut (which will run you 20 bucks) or a proper cut with a wash for about 40 bucks. Not bad for somebody who wants a dude’s haircut.

The Beehive - Hair Lounge and Spa

Totally a very well known place in the Vancouver Main street scene. They’ve been around since the initial boom back in 2003 along Main and the girls there are awesome. Constantly busy you’re going to have to make an appointment ahead of time, sometimes on a  weekday you can slide in after a few hours but for the most part calling a head for a Saturday cut is great. 40 dollars and tax get’s you an awesome experience with people with experience (see what I did there? it’s because it’s 3 am and I don’t’ feel like being funny).